fireshow | (no subject)

[ catching that smile there on jason's face, it has john look down then — licking over his lips. ]

I just... I don't know. Never thought I'd say it to someone. You know?

I know. Me neither. Never thought I'd have anything like what I have with you.

[He stops packing, going over to John, wrapping his arms around his neck to pull him in close.]

Never thought I'd be able to feel it as deeply as I do with you. Let alone have anyone ever say it back and feel the same.

[ letting himself be pulled in, hands come up to rest at jason's waist, holding softly to him before he lets his gaze drop for just a moment. ]

Don't ever break up with me, ok?

[ Jason swallows hard, the sadness those words pulls from him curling around his heart. He rests his head against John's, shaking his head. ]

I won't. You're stuck with me, alright? Never breaking up with you. Never leaving you. Don't break up with me either, ok?

Not ever planning to.

[ words that he keeps soft as he presses his forehead to jason's and just holds to him. right there. hoping that he can keep the unsaid promise there with them. ]

[ He combs his fingers through the hair at the base of John's neck, shifting closer to hold him as close as he can. He needs this love. He needs to keep it safe. ]

Love you.

[He says again, quietly.]

Now let's get you back safely to our place.

Edited 2023-07-30 00:57 (UTC)

[ our place. yeah, that... that's gonna be a thing now, huh? part of him still feels wary about all this and expects things to just fall apart at some point because... they always do. but he's doing his best not to listen to that doubt — to that part of him that keeps saying it's all gonna go up in flames. instead, he just nods and steals another quick kiss from jason. ]

Whenever you're ready, babe.

[ It's their place now. Jason's already shifting his train of thought. He doesn't want John to feel unwelcome there, not even for a second.

Quick kiss, and Jason's closing up the boxes. ]

Whenever you're ready. You sure you got everything? No bills stashed away in the freezer?

What the hell?

[ that actually kind of gets him to laugh a little. ]

People actually do that?

Better than in the back of the toilet.

[He snorts, lifting up one of the boxes.]

I parked around back.

Well, no need to worry. Not about to go fishing for soggy bills in the back of the toilet.

[ shake of his head, he pauses as he grabs his duffel bag to sling over his shoulder, looking around at the place. it's... bittersweet? something like that. he's not going to miss it, but. he's not going to not miss it either. it's a weird feeling but something that's for the best. he'd probably just end up rotting here until he needed to move elsewhere.

sigh on his lips, he smiles a little over to jason, book tucked at his side. ]

Guess that's it.

[ Jason knows the feeling well. Most of the time he's had to leave too quickly to really delve into his feelings about it, and never with this much stuff, but as he watches John, he understands.

He offers him a small smile as well. ]

Come on.

[He says as he heads for the door, waiting for John to open it so he can carry the boxes out. It's a relief that John agreed to leave this place so easily. Jason knows he'll be a hundred times safer at his place.]

[ it's still a little surreal to him that jason actually wants him to live with him, but. he's not about to go into that. instead, he goes over to slip his feet into his shoes, grabs the door for them, and holds it open for jason, pressing his shoulder there against the frame of it as he lets his gaze wander into the place. ]

Hope you know by doing this, it's gonna be a lot harder to kick me out of your life now.

[ it's mostly said to tease. ]

I was kinda counting on that. Hoping for it, really.

[He says with a quick kiss to John's cheek as he passes him to head out the door and down the stairs.]

Can't imagine a better thing than getting to wake up to you every morning, honestly.

[ that's definitely going to be something for him to get used to. not that it's bad. not at all. just... new. a lot of things with jason have been new for him. ]

You're such a fuckin' sap.

[ but it's said affectionately so.

another quick glance back at the place, he lets the door shut behind him — doesn't bother locking it — and follows after jason, a hand stuffed in his pocket as he goes. ]

Just wait 'til we have our first fight.

[ They're so new for him too, and he's really looking forward to it. Finding someone like John, being with him in this way, it's something he had always wanted, always hoped for, but never thought he'd come even close to having. Didn't think he deserved it.

He still doesn't, but he doesn't care. John means everything to him. ]

Yeah, yeah. You love it.

[He smiles, heading out of the building and over to the car. It isn't his car, but he borrowed it for today. He'll put it back. He opens the car door and puts the boxes in the back seat, leaving room for the rest of John's stuff.]

People fight. It happens. What I do know is it's not gonna chance the way I feel about you.

[ opening up the back seat door, he shoves his duffel bag in there — drops his book in and a couple other things as well before he shuts the door and leans against it, arm resting close to the window. ]

You sure about that? I can be an asshole.

[ not that he's intending to be, just. it happens. sometimes. burning people and bridges before he can even realize he's doing it — until there's nothing and no one left. ]

[ Jason stops, resting a hand on the roof of the car, looking over at John.]

I can be real asshole too, you know. Always ready to fuck things up, right? But I also know you and I love you. I think we can work through asshole, if it ever comes to that. Don't you?

[ ducking his head for a moment, he takes a second to lick over his lips — raising his head after to look over to jason there. ]

I mean... I'd like to, yeah.

[ and he means that. entirely. ]

Me too.

[He pauses, moving away from the car to go stand in front of John, reaching out to cup the side of his neck.]

I know. I know. I'm scared too. Of... fucking it up. Doing shit I don't even intend to do and end up pushing you away or making you wanna leave. But the thing is, I know I've never felt this way about anyone before. I've never had anyone like you in my life before and I feel that when it comes down to it, to anything between us, we'll make sure we try our hardest not to hurt each other. Not to fuck it up. I understand those feelings and I know you understand them too, and I think that makes a big difference. We know that about each other. We listen to each other.

[ they're both the kinds of people others wrote off at one point or another in their lives — that they disappointed in some capacity, without even really meaning to, maybe. but it still happened and left them feeling a certain way, so yeah. he gets it and he knows jason gets it, too. that doesn't mean jason's immune to his bullshit though — immune to being burned by him.

sigh on his lips, he gives a small nod then lets his forehead press to jason's, just needing to be close for a second — to know he's here and this is real. ]

Fucking it up with you would be one of the worst things I could do and I've done a lot of shit.

Edited 2023-08-12 18:53 (UTC)

[ John is right, it doesn't mean they're immune to each other's bullshit, but Jason knows that no matter what happens, he will try his damndest to keep it together. To keep them together. He knows John will do the same.

He slides his arms around John's shoulders when their foreheads press together, and he pulls him a little closer.]

I feel the same way. So I wants you to know I'm gonna try my fucking hardest not to.

Me too, babe.

[ words that come out soft but that are entirely genuine because... he means it. he means it so fucking much and he really hopes he can stick to it... that he doesn't fuck it up.

an affectionate nuzzle to jason, he pulls back then and cards a set of fingers through his hair. ]

Anyways. Sappy shit said and all, should probably head over.

[ Jason may not have much faith in himself, but he has faith in them. That somehow the two of them together can make it work, much better than if they were apart. Sometimes there are people in life who are just like that, and Jason's pretty damn sure John's his person, his only person. They'll make this work.

He nuzzles back, giving John a squeeze before he lets go. ]

Yeah, let's do this. I'm excited to move you in.

[He smiles at that. He doesn't want it to all be so heavy, because this is a good thing.]

Gotta go about breaking that bed in properly, right?

[ said with a laugh under his breath, he pulls open the passenger side door and drops himself into the seat, closing it shut beside him as he settles there — settles in this car that's going to take him away from here and somewhere else entirely. somewhere he can maybe really feel safe and at home for once in his life. ]